Dreams, stress, oh and birthdays?

Oh, we left it all unspoken. Oh, we buried it alive ad now it’s screaming in my head. Oh, I shouldn’t go on hoping. Oh, that you will change your mind and one day we could start again. Well I don’t care if loneliness kills me. I don’t want to love somebody else.”

I’m still being haunted by a turmoil of emotions towards my ex.

No, I have not emailed him.

My son’s birthday is coming up soon, and if I’m going to email him, I’d rather do it BEFORE our sons first birthday. If I don’t, what’s the point in even contacting him?

Oh, right. Because I can’t seem to get him out of my head.

For the past few nights, I’ve been having dreams about him. Last night, I dreamt that we had gotten back together. And he DID come to our son’s birthday party(which was a success), And even though no one else was happy that he was there, I was happy. We were happy. Then I remember him asking me, “Do you still want me?”

I looked at him, shocked he would ask me that, since I thought it was obvious, I replied, “Of course.”

In my dream, he wasn’t his old self. He actually cared, and was sweet.

Which is why I’m still debating on what to do. Maybe he HAS changed, or maybe he CAN change.

But then again, I guess it’s just wishful thinking that we’d get back together and be a happy family, right?

I’m starting a new job, soon. If I do email him, it WILL be before my son’s birthday and it WILL be after I am settled into my new job(I’m a teacher).

It’s not as bad as it was before…I see this physic, almost every night. Not to get readings, but just to talk to her. She’s so sweet and I enjoy her vibe. Get’s my mind off of everything I’m going through.

Last times I talked to her, she told me if I was having doubts about sending the email, not to send it. It’s the universes way of giving me a chance to change my mind or what I desire. And she was right. I didn’t send it. I don’t want to ask her a straight forward question, even though I know what she would tell me would be the truth. But, I want to find out on my own, no matter how much it may hurt me…Then I won’t have to wonder “what IF”.

 

For now, I’m trying my best to focus on work, school, and the fact that my son’s birthday is in a month, ha! I think my head is going to explode.

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